My birth story

OK so I thought I'd put up my birth story, OK so Leo is now 17 months old, but still better late than never.

14 December 2009

My membranes were swept on Friday and so I started feeling crampy but Saturday that started to wear off. Not one to give up we went to buy a Christmas tree and came back up a dirt track to get things moving. I also finally got the nerve to wash some baby clothes. Sods law says if you suddenly put the clothes in the washing machine you will go into labor instantly. Unfortunatly that didn't work!
Sunday afternoon I started to get that, 'I really think this is it' feeling. I didn't tell my OH and carried on as normal so that I didn't get my hopes up too much. Late afternoon early evening I admitted it was happening and it was time to get the TENS pads on. Pressure waves were increasing in intensity and regularity. So TENS on and I parked myself on my birth ball. Eventually I realised it was time to get the MP3 player on and listen to the easy first stage hypnobabies track, oh and check I had everything in my bag. My OH even had a shave so he wouldn't look quite so scruffy in the photos.

I was starting to really feel the pressure and having to really lie down during pressure waves. OH started to ask when we should go to hospital so I decided it was about time to time the pressure waves. They were coming at 5 mins appart so time to get in the shower and get ready to go. Things were intense in the shower as I had to take the TENS and mp3 player off.

We live 10 mins from the hospital and got there just before 1am on 14 December. Typically this little guys due date so I guess he'll be a punctual little guy. At L&D I got asked the most random question, why are you here. I checked I had a big belly, and then realised maybe they wanted me to say I'm at term and having pressure waves 5 mins apart for 1 min and have been doing for an hour.

I got put on the monitor so that meant no electrical appliances. MP3 and TENS off. Naturally the top band wasn't tight enough and registered the pressure waves as only being minor little blips. The band was tightened and I was given a glass of pineapple juice (non of this silly nil by mouth lark in Spain). Now things looked better, the pressure waves were peaking high and had the long plateau bit in the middle. So I got an internal and was supprisingly at 5cm. Considering my last birth was on pit for pre labor ROM I was suprised how easy a natural 5 was. Suddenly I realised this would be a walk in the park. I was given a gown and told I could put that on, or stay in my own clothes, or the gown plus my trousers, whatever I felt comfortable in. They're so lovely and mother friendly in Spain.

So I went back to my room and just sat on my birth ball. We got a last belly photo. I am amazed I could stand upright, my OH was right I went from looking like I was smuggling a beach ball to smuggling a birth ball.

We just sort of hung out a bit I turned the TENS up now and then and just got on with things. I started to get that, it's time to lie down on the bed feeling. Standing up really kicked the pressure off so I decided to quickly get on the bed and not start wandering around. As things were getting intense I started vocalising during pressure waves and sort of started feeling gentle pushy feelings. Naturally this was the next time to go on the monitor so again off with the electrical appliances. That was not fun at all. Once they were taken off I got everything turned on again very quickly. The doctor commented on how well I was coping and she wished everyone coped as well as me, and that her birth had been as calm. I told her the pushy feelings were really intensifying so I got checked and was at 9cm.

She walked in with documents to get my ID number and address and had a baby records book in her hand. I almost cried at that point as it just dawned on me I was soon going to be filling that ache for a baby in my arms.

The doctor told me I could push when I wanted but had to wait for her to come back. Next pressure wave I really did try not to push initially, but to be honest I decided if she wasn't quick with all the stuff that's her fault, I wanted to push. Oh that felt good, and I realised that a natural birth really is easy compared to pit. Last time I went natural with only gas and air and hypnobabies but it was intense. After a bit of pushing my waters exploded, I'm so glad they stayed intact until then and I will always take vit C during pregnancy in future.

Everyone started getting excited that his head was coming out, it took a bit to crown and he did have the cord round his neck so they had to get me to move my legs and really open my pelvis up. His head was out and I was nearly in tears, then the body slithered out. That feeling was amazing and I just felt amazing that there was a baby, a live baby, and it was outside. He was put straight on my chest and they started cleaning him to pink him up a bit. I didn't look at his face to begin with because I had to keep kissing the top of his head. I held onto him so tight and that feeling of having a little one in my arms was amazing.


Then it came to pushing out the placenta. I've always wondered how people could say they don't know how to push, but suddenly I forgot what to do. Had to experiment with a few muscles before I got the right ones! After the placenta was out they reminded me to start breastfeeding and just left us alone. I think we were along for an hour or more and he fed like a champ. I was even glad to be pooed on a bit because that must mean his digestion was kicking off and he'd had a good feed.

When they eventually took him for a bath I had a shower, naturally forgetting to use a pad to walk to the loo so it looked like a horror film. When he was back we had more photos and videos, I kept kissing his head just incase he didn't know how much I loved him. Then I wandered up to the ward. I felt so good I didn't even want a wheelchair.

Leo was born at 4.30am on Monday 14th Dec weighting in at 8.2lb, 3.73kg was 52cm 20.4" long and had a 36cm 14" head. He got a 9 on the Apgar. We stayed in hospital until Tuesday. The hospital is very breastfeeding friendly and there's no nursery at all. He didn't feed much more till late on Monday afternoon, but he was passing a fair bit of the meconium. After that was gone he never looked back. He feeds really well and is giving a good number of nappys.

I now feel fantastic and cannot believe how amazing it feels to finally be holding a baby again. His facial features and expresions remind us of Isabel a lot which can be hard at times. He's getting better at nighttime sleeping now, a couple of night he only wanted to sleep nuzzled up to my boob or on my chest. Hey I guess the guy knows what's important. Now he's sleeping with us but in a sleep positioner to stop him rolling.

Basically another successful natural birth in a Spanish hospital. The care here is amazing, the food is healthy and tasty, double rooms with en suite, breast feeding friendly and co-sleeping is not an issue.

It's been a while

Well it's been a while since I was here. At the end of my pregnancy I went through one of those angry phases, you know the one where you don't think you'll ever come home with a baby that comes home and stays at home. I nearly packed away everything that I'd got out (which was only my pp pads, which lets face it I'd need anyway) and sat in the corner and stamped my feet. But well eventually I did manage to put clean bedding on the crib (and then put it back in it's protective plastic so if I never needed to use it, it would be one less thing to 'put away' as it wasn't actually really out and set up.

Leo has grown up so quickly so I think I need to start blogging again so I remember what actually happens before I'm sitting up waiting for him to come round with a grandchild and I'm wondering where my baby went.

When he was small I remember feeling sorry for a friend with an older child because they no longer had a baby, and said they couldn't remember their child being a baby. I felt sorry for them to not have a baby anymore and I did sort of dread Leo growing up. Well I was completely wrong, Leo is turning out to be a joy, it's lovely to play with him, read with him and just basically interact with a small human. OK so the small human is currently getting annoyed because I won't go outside and play with him. He likes to be picked up and swung at a football (or even better my yoga/birthing ball).

I shall really try to keep up with the blog now, catch up with what's gone on up until now, and also keep a note of our life from now on.

This is most probably my first post not tagged 'pregnancy after a loss'. How strange.

Another dip on the PAL rollercoaster

Well I'm going through another bad time on this road to recovery. Pregnancy hormones, Christmas getting close, everything's happening all at once. I'm getting close to the birth so that's bringing up a lot of emotions. Just how on earth do I cope with trying to feed and look after a baby during the first week, how do I avoid the same thing happening again. What's the one thing babies do during the first week, lose weight. What's the one thing that indicates a baby isn't feeding enough, loosing weight. So basically I have to keep going through the 'normal' weight loss hoping it's not 'abnormal' weight loss. Oh well that's just going to be super easy for a paranoid PAL mother. I think I'll probably go to see the pediatrition every couple of days for a check up at the start, and thankfully that only means driving into town, parking up, walking up with a newborn to sit and wait in a medical centre surrounded by sick people during a dangerous flu epidemic. Oh and this is all during the special time I should be spending as much time as possible feeding him. Superb, well that's another thing that's bound to be easy to do.

I'm just sick of this right now. I'm so emotional I'll cry over anything. It's just not fair. I hate being the mother to a dead baby. I should have my baby now. She should be reaching milestones that everyone else's baby reaches.

But on the plus side we got the heart beat checked on Tuesday and everything's fine. He's vertex and on the left so all ready for birthing. The movements are still there but don't seem to be the massive shuffling round movements any more. Fingers crossed he's settled in now and there's no more moving ahead.

I just ache for him, I ache to hold him in my arms.

Christmas Knitting

Well I was brave enough to start knitting again, and to knit Christmas stuff. The last hat I knitted was one small enough to fit Isabel. This is for my friend's daughter who was a trimester ahead of me. It helps that it was larger, I think it would be harder to knit a very small hat just now. I plan to knit Django one too, but only once he comes out and I know what size he is. And that I know he will wear it.

Children are meant to look like a pudding at Christmas anyway so a pudding hat just rounds of the Christmas spirit. Next on the list is a little santa hat.

Braxton Hicks

OK so I'm excited, I had my first braxton hicks pressure wave (we're on Hypnobabies speak from now on so the c word is banned) yesterday evening. It was just so wierd to feel my belly getting a bit tight but yet it not to be my proper birthing time. That just made it all feel so real to me, as though yes I am going to birth again, and yes I am going to get a baby.

I'm adding a photo J took of me in my maternity leggings. He was impressed with just how high these come. They're well and truly over the bump, they virtually come to over the very top of the bump. I think they'll reach my armpits when I'm not knocked up.

27 week scan

Well we asked for a shot of his face, I've not seen such a good face shot on a normal scan before.

27 weeks exactly and we had a scan to check on Django. It appears I'm going high risk, or more monitoring anyway. This was certainly an earlier scan than normal and the next one is in a month. The doctor had a really really good look at his internal organs. We even got a disco heart. She made all flashing blue and red bits around the heart. I'm guessing that was checking the blood flow, looked quite good and I've never seen them do that before. I even had to lie on my side for a bit. We got the all clear though, everything's appearing normal which is good especially considering how much she looked at it all. Django is appearing to slightly measure ahead, especially on his head size. I'm hoping that taking the omega3 won't seem like a bad idea later on. Then again after having done hypnobabies before I really am not worried about anything. Yes it looks like he'll be bigger than Isabel, yes his head is likely to be a touch larger because of the omega3. But that's simply something else my body simply has to deal with. It was made for birthing after all, and we've already done this once. So a slightly larger version can't be much of a big deal.

The only thing that's a bit of a downer is he's breech at the minute. OK so 27 weeks is maybe early for him to be getting ready. But after he'd switched from transverse I was so sure he'd gone head down. And I am doing all the spinning babies pelvic tilts I can. I guess we'll see at the next scan where he decides to go, there's still loads of time before we even start to get worried, but I might start preparing myself for a breech birth anyway. The more you know about the different styles of birthing the better.

I googled for 2lb baby to see how big he is and he's just at probably part way down your wrist. I think the baby next to Isabel in intensive care was about that size. It really is tiny. So he's got a bit of growing to do yet and some fat to put on.

I started back up with the hypnobabies yesterday which was a bit strange. Just hearing the start music all over again and the 'welcome to your hypnobabies cd'. It's just so familiar. I was a bit nervous about the special place aspect as that's obviously where I still feel I can be with Isabel. When I imagine myself there I will be with 2 babies. Actually before I conceived I imagined myself there with a little fair haired boy, so that's why even before conceiving I was convinced it was a boy as I felt there was a boy there waiting for me.

And now for the belly shots. I'm getting significantly larger. The belly's starting to fold over and overhang. I waddle when I walk and can no longer just bend forwards any more as it all get squashed up!




Well we did ask for a shot of his face. I swear he's looking at me and smiling in this.

Empty cradle, empty heart

Yesterday I was sorting everything out and finally took out the stuff from what we used as a moses basket. And yes I can still see the indent from Isabel's head. It's so hard to believe I had a little daughter to hold onto, and that she did sleep in her lovely blue bath. I haven't washed the last stuff she wore. I haven't quite got to the plastic bag with the clothes she was wearing when we took her to hospital. I know that'll be rough. Coming home from hospital without her hurt so much, I could still hear her cry.

This time we caved and did get a 'proper' moses basket. It was from freecycle so why not. But I still think the bath is the best thing. Plastic so wipe clean, strong so you can pick it up and carry it on one hip. Oh and it's baby sized. It will feel so strange when we are bathing Django in this little bath.