First rainbow

OK so before I talk about gender disapointment I will talk about how wonderful my boys are. I do know how lucky I am to have 2 lovely boys, so any gender disapointment is just really for the tutus! Leo is a lovely little guy. He hardly cried as a baby. My mum has always worked in childcare and she said he's an unusually quiet baby. He took to signing well and would let us know what he wanted. When we first moved here we didn't have aircon so it was too hot to put him to sleep inside. I walked round the garden with him in the carrier with a glass of red wine and chatting to OH. There was a colour changing LED lamp in a tree. After coming back from England a few months later after avoiding the worst of the heat he was outside in the evening and signed 'where red orange tree light'. This was the September he turned 2 so I was surprised by his memory, and the long signing sentance. He was so quiet until one day it all came out. No trying at words, just suddenly one day he repeated words, then he started saying everything he saw. Literally overnight he was talking normally. Potty training was obviously a breeze thanks to the EC. It was just a matter of him taking himself to the potty on his own, and then eventually getting to a point where he could do his own clothes. Now he even puts his seat on himself, moves the step and will even put on the light and close the door! Sleeping has been easy too. We co-slept so that was easy. Started nightweaning around 18 months and creating a sleep association with his Pooh Bear projector light. This time last year FIL was starting to babysit and he was putting Leo to sleep with Pooh Bear. In summer OH started to put him to sleep too. He has 2 stories, then the Pooh light is turned on. That's it. He's left to drift off to sleep on his own. Now standard parents probably think it's no big deal he goes to sleep on his own at this age, but I think it's so easy and no ups and downs getting out of bed at all. We transitioned him to his own room last spring too and that was easy. FIL comments how easy he is in the evening. Often he says he wants to go to Grandads for cheesy beans (we live on a couple of acres so FIL lives here at the bottom of the garden). We know when we come back from a few glasses of wine and tapas Leo will have had a bath and be in bed. Sometimes I reckon I think I'm the only person who thinks my kid is average and not a genius. He learnt the alphabet from signing time and sort of kept going from there. He can now write his own name and copy words too. I have to say that is one thing I think is a touch more advanced than other kids. When he walked more and I stopped using the carrier I would get him out his car seat and tell him to hold a light on the car. Wherever we are if I want him to be still when I do something I just get him to hold a railing or keep his hand on something. So well behaved. We have also never thought twice before going out anywhere. If we go out for a meal he is so good and we've never not gone anywhere because he may play up. I also don't think he's had a public tantrum. Oh we've had plenty of 'my banana broke' incidents which were apparently really serious, but nothing in public. So would I swap him for a girl? Nope. He is wonderful. He is well behaved. I like that. I know him. OK so maybe I won't share some mother daughter things with him but he is my son and I love him.

Guilt

I didn't realise I could get any more guilt. But this has been doing the rounds http://www.bestforbabes.org/miracle-milk-helps-heal-brain-injured-formula-fed-baby When Isabel was in NICU I did pump a bit for her, but not a lot to be honest. Just a bit each time I went in which was every other day because of the distance. So now I read that and wonder what if I had pumped more. What if I hadn´t given up when we were told there was no more brain activity. What if I could have one of those once in a million chances.