Another dip on the PAL rollercoaster

Well I'm going through another bad time on this road to recovery. Pregnancy hormones, Christmas getting close, everything's happening all at once. I'm getting close to the birth so that's bringing up a lot of emotions. Just how on earth do I cope with trying to feed and look after a baby during the first week, how do I avoid the same thing happening again. What's the one thing babies do during the first week, lose weight. What's the one thing that indicates a baby isn't feeding enough, loosing weight. So basically I have to keep going through the 'normal' weight loss hoping it's not 'abnormal' weight loss. Oh well that's just going to be super easy for a paranoid PAL mother. I think I'll probably go to see the pediatrition every couple of days for a check up at the start, and thankfully that only means driving into town, parking up, walking up with a newborn to sit and wait in a medical centre surrounded by sick people during a dangerous flu epidemic. Oh and this is all during the special time I should be spending as much time as possible feeding him. Superb, well that's another thing that's bound to be easy to do.

I'm just sick of this right now. I'm so emotional I'll cry over anything. It's just not fair. I hate being the mother to a dead baby. I should have my baby now. She should be reaching milestones that everyone else's baby reaches.

But on the plus side we got the heart beat checked on Tuesday and everything's fine. He's vertex and on the left so all ready for birthing. The movements are still there but don't seem to be the massive shuffling round movements any more. Fingers crossed he's settled in now and there's no more moving ahead.

I just ache for him, I ache to hold him in my arms.