Smoke blackens out the sky
Didn't manage to get to the medical centre today so that'll be next week now. Django (the new name for this bean) is still moving around so fingers crossed they're still in there and moving around when we go to hear the heartbeat. I know I'm not at more risk as my last pregnancy was without complications, but even still I wouldn't be at all suprised if something went wrong. I am at least prepared for the fact that babies die. Will that stop me bonding in the end with Django, who knows. I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case, and it all seems too surreal, like me with a baby, a live baby at that. Nah that'll never happen.
My necklace to store the ashes in was ordered yesterday so that's on it's way. I will feel so much happier when I have that. Was also looking at the blue and pink ribbons, one company (can't remember which, one of the 'standard' loss jewelry places) does quite a pretty looking glass one. I sort of want to have one as a badge to other mothers to not feel angry by the site of a pregnant woman. I guess it's like a secret society, you see the badge and know there's an angel up there somewhere belonging to that person. I'll also work on the tatoo I want, but that'll have to wait till after the birth. (It's so hard not to add, if there is one, then).
Anyway I wonder if any of the PAL mothers have dropped yet, will be nice to see them starting to come through. One loss in my DDC already. I hate the fact that I am wondering who will be the next. I don't know statistically how many we're due but I'm guessing there will be a few more.
